Here’s a great tool to check out over on Awaken with JP Sears Premium AF. I can't embed the video for you here, so go check it out on JP's website:
I’m not a subscriber to Premium AF (I’ve thought about it, but I’m trying not to add new things to my life at the moment even if they look great), so I’m glad he decided to share this stuff about mirroring.
Understanding yourself and being authentic is really hard. It’s especially hard because you have blind spots as big as trucks all over the place. Things you don’t even realise, stories you tell yourself (they could be positive, negative, or anywhere in between), and patterns you can’t see. It’s okay, we all have this shit.
As a psychological term, mirroring is the behaviour in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. Mirroring often occurs in social situations, particularly in the company of close friends or family. (This definition is from the Wikipedia page for mirroring)
JP Sears presents mirroring as a tool you can use to catch a glimpse of your big-as-a-truck blind spots. By first owning the fact that your perceptions of others are your perceptions and not necessarily reality, you can unpack what those perceptions might say about you. You really have to own your perceptions for this to work. It can feel pretty selfish, but for the sake of this exercise you’re going to assume that it’s 100% about you.
For example, one perception I have of my partner Ashley is that sometimes she spends too much time using social media on her phone. What that says about me is that I’m scared that my decision to spend less time on social media is hurting me somehow and that I’ll end up lonely AF.
Another perception I have of my partner Ashley is that she is generous in giving back to the community by volunteering at Lifeline. What that says about me is that I want to be much more generous in my community and I’m looking for ways I can give back in my own way. Her volunteering also requires an incredible amount of empathy and I’m learning that true empathy without martyrdom is something I’ve got a lot to learn about.
Both of my examples are things I couldn’t really see without looking in the mirror of Ashley first. It’s a powerful tool! JP gives some other examples in the video - I recommend you go watch it!
Here’s a quick recap of the tool:
- Look at a person in your life and own your perceptions of them (one thing that challenges you about them and one thing that you like about them).
- State the perception you have of them.
- State what that perception says about you as though your perception of them is 100% about you. (For the sake of this exercise, we’re assuming that it’s 100% about you!)
If you want to see more tools like this I find around the place, you can sign up below to get my monthly journal where I share my explorations.